The Rider Before the Dawn
A lone rider crosses an endless meadow as the sun breaks over the horizon. No path has been laid out for him, only grass, flowers, trees, and that light which summons everything toward itself. Above him, the clouds are tinged with gold, as though heaven itself had gathered as an assembly of witnesses. So too is a soul that seeks God within the state of life to which it has been called.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. (Ps 37:5, ESV-CE).
Transparency: A Love That Does Not Hide
Genuine love cannot flourish in the shadows. As St Thomas Aquinas so aptly puts it, bonum est diffusivum sui, the good diffuses itself; it tends towards the light; it seeks to be known. A relationship is not a series of private behaviours, but a progressive communion of souls walking together towards God.
Genuine Love: Seeking the Good of the Other, Not One’s Own Comfort
A great error of our age is to confuse love with emotional need. To love is velle bonum alicui, to will the good of the other. Not to want the other for oneself, but to want oneself for the other.
St John of the Cross warns that the soul which seeks its consolation in the creature before seeking it in God has inverted the proper order. This temptation is significant for any soul that loves at a distance or in passivity: absence breeds hunger, and hunger can disguise itself as love when in truth it is mere appetite.
Genuine love can be recognised by the following marks:
- It celebrates the growth of the other even when that growth brings no direct benefit to oneself.
- It corrects with charity, since withholding a necessary truth is not gentleness but abandonment.
- It sets free rather than clings, knowing that true love does not chain but orients the beloved towards God.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; (1 Cor 13:4-5, ESV-CE).
Needs versus Control: The Distinction That Changes Everything
There is a delicate, and at times imperceptible, border between expressing a legitimate need and exercising control over another. Control is born of fear; authentic need, of honest vulnerability.
Virtue proposes; it does not impose. Love inspires; fear controls. The distinction shows itself, thus:
- Need says: “This matters to me because I love you.”
- Control says: “This matters to me because I fear losing you.”
Genuine Perseverance versus Selfish Perseverance
Not all constancy is a virtue. There exists a perseverance that is fidelity, and another that is stubbornness dressed as love.
Genuine perseverance asks: do I seek the good of this person, and the glory of God, in this relationship? Selfish perseverance asks, at bottom: how do I avoid the pain that letting go would bring?
The Doctor of the Church John Henry Newman held that certainty is reached not by reasoning alone, but by the convergence of probabilities illumined by grace. Applied to a relationship, this means: if the fruits are peace, growth in virtue, and greater closeness to God, persevere. If the fruits are chronic anxiety, spiritual mediocrity, and estrangement from the Lord, it is time for reflection, do I persevere out of love, or out of fear of emptiness?
“Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” (Lk 22:42, ESV-CE).
True perseverance is always ready to let go, should God ask it.
Vocation: God Walks With You
Vocation is not a destination to be reached, but a road already being walked. The rider in the meadow does not wait for the sun to come to him; he rides towards the sun. And even as he rides, the sun already illumines him.
Every soul shares a single universal vocation: holiness. Within it, some are called to marriage, others to consecrated life, others to the priesthood. No path holds greater dignity than another; all lead, when lived with fidelity, towards the same luminous horizon.
Within a relationship, the vocational question is not merely “is this the right person?” but “do we help one another towards holiness?” As Holy Church teaches in the Second Vatican Council’s Gaudium et Spes, marriage is a communio personarum, a communion of persons, oriented towards God and towards mutual salvation.
Diligence in Vocation: The Remedy for Anxiety and Fear
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Phil 4:6, ESV-CE).
Vocational anxiety is a tormenting thing: what if I am mistaken? What if I am wasting time? What if this is not God’s will? It is a common temptation for a generous soul, precisely because that soul loves God and fears failing him.
As St Teresa of Ávila so memorably says, “Let nothing disturb you, let nothing frighten you… God alone suffices.” Diligence is not anguish; it is a serene effort, patient discernment, faithful prayer. Diligence acts; anxiety merely circles.
Concretely, this diligence takes the following forms:
- Regular spiritual direction: vocational discernment is not undertaken alone.
- Daily examination of conscience: to see with clarity.
- Active trust: acting according to the best light available, and leaving the rest to God.
God Never Ceases to Work: The Rider, the Sun and the Clouds
The rider rides on into the dawn. He does not know exactly how many miles separate him from the sun. And yet the sun already warms him, already lights his hands upon the reins, already gilds the grass beneath his horse’s hooves. The sun does not wait for the rider to arrive before it acts; it is already acting, perpetually, without ceasing.
But Jesus answered them, “My Father is working until now, and I am working.” (Jn 5:17, ESV-CE).
There is not a single instant in which Providence pauses. No silence of God is ever abandonment; it is the profound stillness of the Master who labours with total attention upon his masterpiece.
The clouds, golden, motionless in their majesty, but not empty.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us (Heb 12:1, ESV-CE).
The saints, the angels, Our Lady, the whole heavenly court behold the road walked by every soul, not as indifferent spectators, but as the assembly that cheers on the runner in the race.
The life of grace does not unfold in a vacuum. It unfolds beneath that cloud. Every act of love, every act of transparency, every honest perseverance, is seen, applauded, and sustained from above.
Towards the Sun
The rider must make a decision: does he ride towards the sun, or does he halt in the meadow, waiting for the sun to come to him?
Vocation demands movement. Love demands self-gift. Trust in God demands loosening the reins enough to let him also guide them.
One need not seek perfect certainty before loving generously. One need not wait for the total absence of fear before acting with courage. One must not demand of another a transparency one does not offer oneself.
Ride towards the sun. The clouds cheer you on. The road itself is already the answer.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Josh 1:9, ESV-CE).